Note – This is a fictional story. This is a story of what might have been. Please don't ask any of the bloggers in this story for money; we are as poor as we've ever been.
[Transcript from today's 9 Action News report]
[Cut to Vin Winehowser]
"Hello. This is a 9 Action Wine News special report with Vin Winehowser. I'm Vin Winehowser.
Today the wine world was rocked by the announcement that a group of wine bloggers from around the country have collectively won the multi-state Powerball lottery. The 14 bloggers met on a recent trip to the Willamette Valley in Oregon, reportedly on route to a wine bloggers' conference in Walla Walla Washington, and decided to pool their resources to purchase lottery tickets, as well as reportedly also purchasing several six packs of Oregon beer. The bloggers were all riding together on a tour bus from Portland area business Double Decker PDX, when they decided to stop at a convenience store and purchase the tickets. The jackpot is estimated at $174 million.
Since the drawing, some concern has been expressed by experts that the large payout to so many wine enthusiasts will lead to a spike in wine prices, especially those of imported wines from France."
[Economist Devin Flation]
"Such an increase in the expendable income of these heavy drinkers is bound to have an effect on the prices of fine wines. These people have gone from having limited means to being able to buy any wine they want, and they have very expensive tastes. Bordeaux may never be the same."
"Never the same, indeed. It turns out that each member of the winning group has expressed an interest in buying their own chateau or winery."
[Wine Blogger - Tamara Belgard]
"Why buy the wines, when I can just own the place the wine is made? Burgundy, here I come!"
[Wine Blogger - William Allen]
"This will show that hopeless shill _____. How's this for monetizing your blog? I'm rich <beep>! Time to move my home winemaking hobby to the next level."
"Mr. Allen went on to apologize for his defamatory comments, claiming that he usually quote, 'carries around a roll of duct tape to tape up my mouth when I feel like making such an outburst.'
Although experts are not yet sure they understand the nature of the correlation, sales of bacon have also skyrocketed since the announcement."
[Wine Blogger - Joe Herrig (Seen dancing for joy after the announcement)]
"What can I say, daddy likes bacon! I'm a maverick, and sure, I could have invested my money in stocks or something, but I figured a new smoker and a couple hundred hogs would be a lot more fun."
"The other winning bloggers could not be reached for comment, as they were all attending a party by wine mogul Charles Smith, quote 'droppin' dolla bills, y'all!'
I'm Vin Winehowser, and this has been a 9 Action New special report. Goodnight."
Photo courtesy of Constance Chamberlain